Understanding children’s mental health at Christmas

With all the presents, tasty treats and festive cheer – it can be hard to understand why children might struggle with their emotions over the Christmas period.

A trip to meet Father Christmas, a day spent opening all the gifts on their Christmas list or an evening enjoying their favourite chocolates could all easily still end in tears.

That might be hard to comprehend as a parent trying to give their children a holiday season to remember – but in reality, if your children aren’t meeting their emotional and physical needs, a negative reaction is always a possibility.

Here, Louise Taylor-Harris – Children, Family and Young People’s Service Manager at Suffolk Mind – shares her top tips on how to prevent children from feeling overwhelmed at Christmas.

Why do some children feel overwhelmed at Christmas?

Just like us adults, children have the same 12 emotional and physical needs as we do. And when those needs aren’t being adequately met – especially all of a sudden or over a prolonged period of time – it can leave them not feeling like their normal selves.

Although the overwhelming emotions we like to feel at Christmas are ones of positivity and happiness, changes to a child’s normal routine can come as a shock to the system.

Take Security for example. Every child has a routine that doesn’t just help them process the world around them, but helps them feel secure. That often goes out of the window at Christmas. With lots of family to see, shops to visit and days out in the calendar, this can quickly become a lot to take in as they might not understand what to expect. Simply put, if they aren’t aware of what is coming up, they won’t know how to handle it.

That can also affect the way your child meets their need for Control. Going out and seeing extended family, being told to hug and kiss a relative they might not know as well as you, or not being in control of when they need some time alone to meet their need for Privacy, can see stress develop.

Likewise when things are so busy, your child might not be spending the amount of time with you that they otherwise may have. Emotional Connection is an important need in children, so you may find your child feeling teary at the end of the day if they haven’t spent much one-to-one time with you – even if new toys and games may have seemed like a fun distraction.

When it comes to Food & Drink, everyone likes to indulge at Christmastime. For children, that can include waking up and eating chocolate from their advent calendar or eating sugary snacks through the evening.

That can then lead to problems with two other needs, Movement and Sleep. It can be more difficult to find the motivation to go out for a walk or simply let pent up energy out during winter, when the weather isn’t necessarily the best for playing outside or engaging in sports. Not burning off that energy – and being full of sugar – can then impact a good night’s sleep, which is crucial to both a child’s wellbeing and development.

How can we help children meet their emotional and physical needs at Christmas?

Now you understand the reasons why your children are not meeting their emotional and physical needs, you can start thinking about the ways they can.

Try and keep your child to their normal bedtime routine. Of course with all the fun this might change ever so slightly, but keeping it as close to normal as possible over the extended Christmas period will help ensure they wake up feeling refreshed and adequately rested.

On the topic of feeling rested, make sure to give your children the opportunity to meet their need for Movement. This could be going for a walk, or even asking them to decorate the tree or table. That’ll also come in handy when burning off the chocolate from their advent calendar – but sweet treats in general should be limited throughout the day.

Make sure to still give your child the Attention and Emotional Connection they normally enjoy. That could be spending time with them watching a Christmas film, baking gingerbread or playing a board game.

It’s also important to give your children choice as this helps them to meet their need for Control. Don’t expect them to hug or kiss every family member or to spend all of their time at the dinner table – give them the opportunity to meet their need for Privacy and engage in something they would like to do instead.

Above all, the important thing to understand over the Christmas period is that much of what we see as normal is still very new to our children. Talking to them before any event will help give them an idea of what to expect, taking away the emotional pulls, boosting their need for Security and preventing them from feeling overwhelmed.

Christmas is a time for family – but the only way we can enjoy it is when we are all feeling calm. And that includes the little ones among us.

Learn more about our emotional and physical needs or read more about adult’s mental health at Christmas.