LGBT+
How to support someone questioning their gender identity
Written by Che’ Watson, Diversity & Inclusion Coordinator
Why is it so important to support someone questioning their gender identity?
Because transgender and non-binary people who are recognised and affirmed in their identities are more likely to have better mental health outcomes.
In being there for someone who is questioning their gender identity, you will also help meet their Emotional Needs for Security, Status, Community and Emotional Connection. Find out more about Emotional Needs here.)
Here are five tips for how you can support someone questioning their gender identity:
There’s no script
The journey of gender identity is unique to the individual. There is no right or wrong way to explore gender and allowing them to lead their journey is very important.
Let them come to you
If you think someone might be questioning their gender, let them come to you. This helps to prevent them from being questioned or pressured by those around them, and it gives them the opportunity to truly talk to you about their gender identity if and when they want to.
Appreciate their trust
Saying “thank you for telling me” can go a long way for someone who has decided to open up and share their journey with you. By showing you appreciate their trust in you, you can help them feel more comfortable to talk to you in the future.
Educate yourself
If someone tells you they are questioning their gender, do not overload them with questions. Instead, after the conversation, spend time educating yourself, particularly if they mentioned terms you are not familiar with.
Ask them what they need
If they do tell you, ask them how they would like to be addressed from now on. It may be that they have chosen a different name, or different gender pronouns (such as he/him, she/her, they/them). You can also ask if they want support sharing their journey with others.
To find out more about how Suffolk Mind can help you and those around you, take a look at our LGBT+ Mental Health page.
Author: Beren Reid
LGBT+ allies and how you can be one
Written by Jess Hughes and Beren Reid
In this post, we cover the topic of LGBT+ allies and how you can be one.
Being an ally to the LGBT+ community is simple. If you agree in equality and fair treatment of people in society who identify as LGBT+, then you already support allyship!
An LGBT+ ally is a heterosexual and/or cisgender (someone whose gender identity corresponds with their birth sex) person who supports and accepts civil rights, gender equality and LGBT+ social movements.
They also actively challenge acts which they perceive as being non-inclusive, such as homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic abuse.
Why is being an ally important?
Promoting and encouraging allyship of the LGBT+ community is important for everyone, as it works to make society more inclusive, open, tolerant and loving to all. And who wouldn’t want that?
Supporting those around us is key to maintaining our mental health, and that of the people we care about.
In being there for others and showing that we support them, we help meet Emotional Needs for Security, Status, Community and Emotional Connection.
(Find out more about Emotional Needs here.)
If you would like to be an active and effective ally, here are a few ways to get started.
Support your LGBT+ friends, family and colleagues
Be there for your friends who identify as LGBT+, supporting them when they need you, actively engaging in and supporting their life. Stand with and show your support for the people you work alongside, whether it’s helping with an LGBT+ work event or wearing the rainbow badge showing that you are an ally to the LGBT+ community and are happy to chat.
Be conscious of your language
The language used to describe LGBT+ identities and issues can be complex and evolutionary, so keeping up to date with LBGT+ news is important. You might have training courses or events through work or your social life that you can attend which will help keep you up to date with changes in the language used by
LGBT+ people to identify themselves and others. Allyship is not about knowing it all and never making mistakes – it’s about our intentions and reactions.
Challenge non inclusivity
Whether its an outdated online form, a piece of workplace training which hasn’t been updated to be inclusive, or a conversation with your family in which terms are used that you know to be discriminatory – challenge it. It might be that people are not aware that they have made a mistake, and this could be a great opportunity for them to have a second go at getting things right. Being an active ally helps others to better understand LGBT+ people – but please only challenge when and where you feel safe to do so.
Learn more about Pride and Allyship
There’s lots to learn online about the origins of the Pride Movement, which will help you to understand the legacy of protest and the political struggle to get us where we are today with LGBT+ rights. Once you’ve learned about events such as the 1969 Stonewall uprising, keep your mind open to learning more – as we still have some way to go to reach total equality.
Accept that you might make mistakes
Allyship still rests on the principle that your experience and understanding is different to the LGBT+ people you support. If you make a mistake, someone might take you to one side to explain what you didn’t get right this time, and how you can get it right next time. Be open to feedback – it’ll help others know that they can be themselves around you and that you’re on their side.
In conclusion
Choosing to be an ally is a continual, intentional commitment to support all of those facing discrimination or disadvantage regardless of identity. These issues won’t disappear if all non-LGBT+ people back down or remain silent. Society will only change when people stand up for what they believe is fair and equitable.
By being an ally to LGBT+ people, you can be a little part of the positive movement in society both today and in the future.
To find out more about how Suffolk Mind can help you and those around you, take a look at our LGBT+ Mental Health page.
Author: Beren Reid
How to support someone when they come out
Written by Jess Rickarby, one of our co-facilitators
Coming out can be a stressful experience. In this blog, we share a coming out story from one of our team, and explore how you can support someone when they come out.
Unfortunately, sexual orientations or gender identities are not always accepted without prejudice or stigma.
Sometimes, we feel we cannot be ourselves around our friends or family, let alone introduce a partner to them.
In an ideal world, there would be no raised eyebrows, no cutting comments – just a celebration and acceptance – how wonderful and rare that can be!
My coming out experience
I came out as lesbian when I was 13, although now would identify as pansexual. At an already difficult time for most teenagers, this was exaggerated by ignorance.
It soon spread through the school, and the common comments would be things like –
‘Ew, do you fancy me then?’ People did not realise that – much like straight people – finding someone attractive is down to more than just their gender.
When coming out to my parents, my dad particularly struggled, but I remember him sitting on my bed, and with a big gulp he said – “I love you no matter who you love, and only ever want you to be happy”.
I will always remember this, knowing my dad had contrasting feelings about the LGBT+ community. We now healthily debate each other’s views, which gives me a better understanding of his points, and him a deeper understanding of mine. Regardless of whether or not we see eye-to-eye on many things, we make sure that the debating space is open and free.
Seeing the world progress at the rate it has since I was a teenager, it seems to me like a much more comforting place to be yourself in. Even in the last 10 years, acceptance has grown substantially. You can be part of that change.
It doesn’t take much to support someone who has come out.
Why not talk to them about how they feel? It may be that they aren’t worried at all and just want to share, or on the other hand, they may feel confused and unsure.
Being open and reassuring will help both of you in the long run.
Some examples of helpful things to say:
– Thank you for telling me
– I love and accept you for who you are
– How do you feel about coming out?
– Tell me more about your experience so I can understand you better
– Are you seeing anyone and would you like me to meet them?
Some examples of unhelpful things to say:
– Are you sure it’s not just a phase?
– Why would you choose this life?
– Is there something I could have done differently?
– I was hoping for grandchildren
– Does that mean you won’t be getting married?
In conclusion
Everyone will have their individual experiences with sexuality, and there are still misconceptions and stigmas surrounding it.
It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable about someone you know coming out. This may make you reflect on your own upbringing and experiences.
But challenging negative thoughts and stigmas can slowly change general misconceptions, and will help you to better support the one you love.
To find out more about how Suffolk Mind can help you and your loved one, take a look at our LGBT+ Mental Health page.
Author: Beren Reid
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