The first time for everything

As I’m writing this, both my kids have gone back to school. Hooray! Summer’s over, it’s now the slippery slide towards Christmas…how many sleeps?

The first day of school is one of those experiences that can be challenging for some kids. Just like the first day at a new job for a grown-up. Or arriving at a party or networking event where you’re not sure you’ll know anyone.

We’re programmed to be nervous about the unknown; it keeps us safe from dangers. It’s completely natural to be nervous about a new experience, like a new school, different class, party full of strangers, or whatever it might be.

It’s our emotional need for security that’s not met on these occasions. It doesn’t mean we “have anxiety” or need a diagnosis of a mental health disorder, necessarily. Your brain is feeling something completely normal.

We tell a story to kids about a lion who sees his reflection in a pool of water and is scared away, because he’s never seen another lion before. He paces up and down by the pool waiting for the scary thing to leave, getting more and more thirsty.

Eventually he becomes so thirsty he runs and jumps into the pool and his reflection disappears in the ripples. So, his physical need for water overtakes his emotional need for security.

This story enables us to talk to kids about what it feels like to be nervous in a new situation. Why was the lion afraid? Because he thought there was another scary lion. But was there? No, it was his reflection. Why did he jump in? He was thirsty, and that became more important. Kids know what being thirsty is, and through this story they can think of their need to feel safe in the same way they have a need to drink water.

We can also talk to kids about remembering these experiences…What will the lion do next time he needs a drink from the pool of water? He’ll know that it’s his reflection and that there is nothing to be scared of, because it’s no longer a new situation.

Remembering a previous situation that is similar to the one we’re nervous about can help us overcome those nerves, or at least feel more comfortable with them. We can use our imagination to think through the worst-case scenario, using the rational part of our brain to keep our imagination grounded and calm, thinking about what’s really likely to happen, rather than catastrophising.

I’m having to do it myself today, as that worrying bit of my brain wonders about the younger daughter on her first day at high school. But I’ve been here before with the other daughter, and she was fine. And she’s been in similar situations before, first day at primary school, first day in a new football club. And everyone, and everything, has been fine. And even if it’s not fine, I’m sure it will be in the end.